Weak and old, and weak!

These past few weeks I have felt old and weak more times than I have ever felt before in my life.

This might make sense for the ‘old’ part – today’s the oldest I’ve ever been. It is only normal that I feel older than ever. I am older than ever. But to be honest I’m still not that old.

It shouldn’t make sense for the weak part, though. I have never felt week before. I have never been weak before. I’ve mostly done physically active work my entire youth, with lots of heavy lifting and walking, and I’ve always cycled a lot. About five years ago, when I did quite some bouldering for some years, I felt fit and strong. When Heike was pregnant with Rafa, we stopped bouldering together, and my schedule became more and more irregular. When Rafa was born, I soon stopped it altogether. We moved to Freising, and then the pandemic hit. I felt my bodily and mental strength deteriorate, so following doctor’s orders I started practicing yoga. I yoga’ed the shit out of my evenings, and in a matter of weeks I was the fittest I had ever been. I felt strong, and good.

My mental health got better, my physical ailments alleviated.

Then I challenged myself to write every day.

Then we made another baby.

Then work always took a lot of time, and most of it was seated sedentary work.

Before I knew it, there was no more yoga, after a year long daily practice. There was no more meditation either, something I’ve always incorporated in my regular practices.

I don’t know how it happened, but it did. In a way I let it happen. I stopped keeping fit. I stopped caring for my body. I also stopped caring for my mental health.

Although my mental health is still sound – meh, maybe a bit nuts, but nothing to write home about – my body is weak. The moment I walk more than 5 kilometers, my joints hurt for days. When I bike up a hill I’m out of breath. I gained about 12 kilos since mid 2021. I’m a tall guy, and was never fat. My BMI is still healthy, but not far from unhealthy. I’m more worried about the stability of my joints and core. I shouldn’t be hurting from minor physical effort. It’s just not okay. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

I hate that it got this far, that I let it get out of hand.

I guess I need to do something about it.

It’s just that I hate sports so bad. Even yoga. It doesn’t bring me any joy. I have reaped, and totally acknowledge the benefits. But to say I enjoy it. Meh. Not really.

I need some motivation, but I usually only act when it’s too late. When I’ve hit rock bottom. Often mentally speaking, but this time around mostly physically speaking.

What do you do to keep your mental and physical health in check? What keeps you moving? At this time, I’d take any advice!

Published by Robin Heinen

Father of two | Husband | Entomologist and Ecologist | Postdoctoral Researcher @ TUM | Traveler | Coffee Addict

5 thoughts on “Weak and old, and weak!

    1. It’s amazing how some people seem to get energy from burning it… My wife’s like that. She would go for a run and come back energized. I go for a run, and well, you can hardly call it a run. I come back crawling, crying and half dead.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Hey Robin,
    You sound like you need a break. I just posted on Wed .. there’s only a bit of Yoga and a little bit of qigong. Lots of people are feeling like you right now… you’re not alone! 💖

    Liked by 2 people

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