I don’t know what is/was wrong with me today, but nothing feels right. I woke up feeling absolutely drained. My energy levels were low, and I was cranky, and that feeling only got worse as the day continued. I couldn’t help it, but I felt annoyed by everyone and everything today. I was snarky towards the kids, for no real reason other than that they were being kids. I spoke as little as possible to my wife, as I knew that the words that would come out would be undeservingly annoyed. No one did anything wrong, and certainly not to me. I’m usually not bad-tempered, but today I have been pretty much constantly on edge. Noise, restlessness, certain behaviors. I usually don’t care a bit, but today my highly sensitive brain couldn’t handle it. I don’t like hiding behind a silly excuse, but this is really how I felt today. I couldn’t tolerate things, no matter how bad I wanted to. The past month has been an information and impulse overload. The parenting job is a source of overwhelm of its own, and comes with a dose of sleep deprivation. The simple explanation is that my hard drive is full. My CPU power is low. As a result I’m not functioning properly. I think I may need to delete some cookies, clear some space on my drives. Basically, I should just lock myself up in a room alone for two days. Next week I’ll be away from home for a couple of days. The days are full, but maybe I can spend the evenings alone, meditating in the dark to recover somewhat. Perhaps the timing is about right for all of us.
Published by Robin Heinen
Father of two | Husband | Entomologist and Ecologist | Postdoctoral Researcher @ TUM | Traveler | Coffee Addict View more posts